I am a highly opinionated in all manners of dietary preferences. I don’t just eat anything. I’m no fool. Don’t shove random bits of tennis shoes masquerading as a hot dog with mustard in my mouth.

I also don’t like clams. I think they’re ugly. They look like little aliens in gumbo goo. (I apologize for that reference. But it’s true…)

I don’t like hamburgers anymore. I became a vegan in 1985 (not fully one now—only on Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays. Sometimes.) And I drastically reduced my hamburger intake to about 1 hamburger a year.

I feel somewhat less a part of the human race for not eating hamburgers. But that’s ok. I still have to floss my teeth, trim my beard and pay taxes. So I guess I’m officially a human being.

I also don’t like eggs. (Occasionally scrambled with a pile of real bacon) No. I have NEVER—and this is no lie, really—had eggs cooked in the following fashion:

• over easy
• deviled
• poached
• fried
• soft boiled
• hard boiled
• ranchero

I’ve had maybe 6 omelets in my entire life. And right now I’m more than a half-century old.

Why do you care? I don’t know.

Is it weird? Probably. I’m going against the tide. Not riding herd with the sheep.

Kids will tell you EXACTLY what they like or don’t when it comes to food. Maybe they haven’t filtered out their true preferences yet—just to fit into society’s mold?

I just think it’s weird everyone likes eggs so much.

I can’t even imagine eating a hard-boiled egg. Even with salt, pepper and paprika.

We all have food preferences.

It’s what makes us unique.

You think a sea otter has food preferences? Hell no! They eat what they’re born to eat. What’s that? I have no friggin’ idea.

You think a bear at a campsite hates peanuts? Hell no! That bear will eat your candy bar filled with peanuts. And he or she will eat it with gusto.

Why?

It’s damn hungry.

Salmon only run upstream (or down) during the winter (or summer?).

They still gotta eat.

You think a rabbit’s keto? Or paleo?

I don’t know.

Kangaroos eat grass, ferns, flowers and fruit. I don’t think there’s 1 kangaroo in 20 that woke up and wanted a hamburger—or a deviled egg.

Nor did a giraffe wake up and say they needed more protein, less carbs in their diet.

There’s an old saying, “One man’s meat is another man’s poison…”

We can take out “man” and substitute whatever we like. But it’s still the same. Some like hamburgers. Some like clams. Some like leaves.

How about “One bear’s candy bar is another bears keto nightmare…”

We have too many choices. Too many preferences.

That’s what makes us the most uniquely complicated and opinionated species on the planet.

That’s why some eat pizza with warm milk.

And some think that has to be the most disgusting thing on earth.

I agree.

Other than deviled eggs.

I mean, really.

Eating that thing popping out of a chicken’s butt.

Who came up with that idea?

©2022 Bruce Palma. All Rights Reserved.