God I just love to get jacked up on the joe. I’ve had my customary 1 cup of coffee this morning before doing anything else. Well, I’ve done a few things: go to bathroom; feed cat; wash face; drink a glass of water; say hi to my wife as we pass like two ships in the night—each on their way to their own little morning private routine.

But then, once I sit down in my faux leather chair and greet the rising sun out my window, I have my coffee. I like to drink it fast and hot. And then I’m jacked up on the joe. And my teeth are grinding and I have to do something, so I write. I’m writing this now jacked up on the joe, my fingers furiously typing away as the ceiling fan spins and another day has arrived.

Why do you care? Do you care? Well, you should. What’s your morning routine? Do you have one? I sometimes throw in getting all the dishes and counters clean in the kitchen while I’m letting the joe sink into my blood and my astral body. I like to have my wife walk into a clean kitchen.

So if I or she didn’t do the dishes and clean the pots and scrub the sink clean the night before, I like to get it done while she’s off in her own little astral space, drinking her coffee and meditating and reading cool spiritual stuff. Keeping her spirit wheels lubricated.

So when she walks back into the kitchen to refill her coffee cup, she’ll see a clean, clear counter, all the dishes put away, pots scrubbed and the counters free of any germs or debris. I love using the Clorox or other bleach wipes. I know they’re probably not too sustainable. But ever since Covid I’ve become obsessed with these little suckers. I’m a little OCD about it, I must confess.

I just love wiping everything down. Counters. Handles on doors. And generally anything we humans (or my damn cat) come in contact with.

I’m not crazy; I don’t wipe my phone screen with them. I don’t wipe the TV with them and I don’t wash my face with them. So let me back up. I really like them for counters, toilet seats, faucet handles, the little window ledge where my cat sits and gets all his cat dander and paw dirt on. Those things.

Once the kitchen is clean, dishes put away, I can get back to my soul. I can dive deep into the recesses of my empty being and try and extricate pearls of wisdom for my audience. I don’t have much of an audience right now. I think my TikTok follower count is now at an all-time high of 162.

And I can’t get my damn Instagram follower count to go past 100 or so. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Don’t even mention Twitter, which is at a dismal 6 followers.

I know I should be posting even more. More, more, more. Gary Vaynerchuk says to post at least 5-10 times a day, if I remember correctly. So I need to get even more jacked up on the joe and get to steppin’.

He’s got some great methods for doing this—even if we’re busy washing dishes, raising kids, working full time and generally being consumed by all the tasks and chores and responsibilities this life hurls upon us on a daily basis.

What’s up with that? Why can’t we just wake up and lollygag or just be creative? All day long? All the time. Just walk around and look at rocks and flowers in a purple haze and smile and dance and sing. And never do dishes or pick up kids from school or balance checkbooks or any of the million other things we have to do to keep our lives running smoothly—or at least running at all.

So I get jacked up on the joe and that helps me get through everything. There’s other techniques and I believe Jeff Goldblum, heartthrob to all the youngsters (and still as hot and famous as ever) gave up coffee. I don’t know why Jeff Goldblum popped into my missive, but I have to give him props. He’s stylish, funny, famous and he plays a mean piano. And he dresses suave or debonair or just downright cool.

He's a fully branded badass human being.

And he doesn’t drink coffee. How does he get through the day? Does he have some patented Jeff Goldblum motivation running through his ultra-cool veins?