Verily I say what is life without a motorized toothbrush? Existence is predicated upon convenience. And having a motorized toothbrush is the epitome of convenience.
What better way to scrub those molars and canines and front teeth but with a battery powered toothbrush?
Let the toothbrush do all the work. Why should you scrub and move your precious little fingers? That’s why we have motorized toothbrushes.
I didn’t know my toothbrush was motorized until months after using it—wasting my precious energy scrubbing my teeth back and forth. Oh, the tragedy.
Then one day, lo and behold, I accidentally pushed the “ON” button, on the toothbrush handle (I had never seen it before, what a fool I was) and the damn thing fairly leaped from my hand into the sink.
“Wow!” I said. “This sucker’s motorized! My life is complete.”
I threw off all my clothes and ran naked through fields of flowers. Not really—but the overwhelming sense was one of joy and elation.
“I don’t have to move my precious little fingers anymore,” I told myself. “I’ll let the motorized toothbrush do all the work.”
Just like so many other things in life, it’s the little things that matter.
Frying the perfect egg. Winning the lottery. Discovering your toothbrush was motorized.
I now sit back and the motorized toothbrush do ALL the work.
I’m on the couch watching TV. My teeth and toothbrush are in the bathroom slaving away, rubbing off plaque and popcorn kernels.
I still have to floss. Why? Because whatever “intelligence” created the universe and teeth, forgot to include barriers to shit getting in between my teeth.
All that was needed was to seal up all the spaces between the teeth. Forever. Permanently.
Then we wouldn’t have to floss and dig out random bits of chicken, broccoli, popcorn and beans.
Then my life would be truly complete.
Just me and my motorized toothbrush.
©2023 Bruce Palma. All rights reserved.