The Most Badass Cat on the Planet
WARNING: Liberal use of profanity may occur in this love letter to my cat. If you are offended easily, or just don’t like bad words, then please discontinue reading and go back to watching cat videos on your phone.
I love my cat. He’s the most fucking badass beast on the planet. And he’s just a cat. But he’s a black cat. And he’s MY cat. I say he’s the most fucking badass cat on the planet because he truly is.
And I’m sure all of you cat owners and lovers of all things feline will say the same about your cat. That’s ok.
We all have our preferences. Some people don’t like profanity. I get it. But sometimes there’s no better way to convey the extreme love, affection and devotion to a simple housecat than to say, “He’s the most fucking badass cat on the entire fucking planet.”
And then we can get back to being civil.
My cat is badass because he looks right through you with eyes of blue-green agate and wonder.
My cat is badass because he likes Miles Davis.
My cat is badass because he curls up when sleeping knowing I’ll come over and pet him.
My cat is badass because his name is “Jim.” How many cats are named Jim?
My cat is badass because he sits on the kitchen counter and stares straight ahead, regal and sublime like the Sphinx.
My cat is badass because he will tell you when his litter box is full.
(They’re smarter than you think, these little walking balls of fur.)
But Jim is the most badass of all cats. And people who meet him say the same thing. “What the fuck is up with your cat?! He’s different. He’s more like person. Why is he looking at me like that?”
(What people? Just people…)
And I’ve wasted many a moment capturing his badassness on video. Too many moments.
At one time I named a t-shirt company after him.
Then I got serious. And realized not too many people wanted to buy t-shirts of MY cat.
They wanted t-shirts of their own cat.
But I don’t like their cats. I only like my cat.
Sure, other people’s cats may be cool to them.
But not to me.
To me they’re just another random ball of fur. Cute, yes, but not Jim.
Jim is in a class of his own.
He’s the most fucking badass cat on the entire fucking planet.
And watching him listen to Miles Davis’ Kind of Blue, perched on a shelf by the window, his window, eyes wide and wondrous, not blinking, just looking right through me to my very soul (or following the flight of random birds), is better than watching any dumb series on Netflix or HBO.
Or cat videos on my phone.
Thank you, Jim.
©2023 Bruce Palma. All rights reserved.